Sack the Toad, Marry the Dog!
by Heuvel
Summary: It's a normal depressing day in Defense Against the Dark Arts with Umbridge. That is, until someone comes to Hogwarts. Sirius/OC a bit.


Harry had never been so frustrated in his entire life. There he was, sitting in the middle of his fifth year Defense Against the Dark Arts class, with Hermione to one side and Ron on the other, glowering at the pudgy pink form of Dolores Umbridge. Umbridge, who had entered Hogwarts at the beginning of the year to take up the job, had just insulted Rupin as the half blood for the millionth time that year, and was now watching Harry very closely; he had detention with her that evening, and he knew she was finding his frustration very amusing. He had already had two weeks detention with her since the beginning of the year, it was obvious, because the etching of "I must not tell lies" were still engraved into his skin. Hermione looked like she was going to burst into tears; this was common, she always became infuriated during Defense Against the Dark Arts classes now.

Harry was just glad he had Dumbledore's Army to rely on. Sure, some of the people in the club were a little annoying, but it was the only thing in the entire school that brought him any sort of joy. Other than Cho, of course. Everyone had improved so well during DA that Harry was sure they would receive Outstanding in their O.W.L.S, and more importantly, they would be able to properly defend themselves against Dark people, like Umbridge. "Now." Came Umbridge's squeaking and overly polite voice from over Harry's head, "Please turn to chapter fo-"

She didn't get to finish her sentence, however, because there was a rough knock on the door. But Umbridge didn't have to go over to the frame an open it, because it was opened by the visitor anyway. To Harry's surprise, it wasn't another student, or Filch, or even McGonagall, it was instead three people, around Sirius's age, wearing not wizarding robes, but what looked like business suits. There were two men, both tall and burly, and one woman, small and petit, with a heart shaped face and a very stern look. "Dolores Jane Umbridge?" Said the woman. Her voice was sharp, like McGonagall's, only it was laced with cold.

Umbridge blinked at the new comers, "..Yes?"

"My name is Maryanne Shulzer." Said the woman professionally, "I'm a representative of the International Union of the Wizarding Community, stationed in Greenland. We've received a complaint from…" she looked down at the clipboard she had in her hand, "A Fred and George Weasley about your teaching methods."

Umbridge's face flushed, but she stood up to her full height, which wasn't impressive in the least, and snarled out a polite little, "And what authority do you hav-"

"Ma'am, I would assume you're aware of the IUWC." Said the woman blankly, "We facilitate the individual wizard-run governments."

"Does Minister Cornelius Fudge know you're here?" Umbridge challenged.

"A representative is with him as we speak. He's also under intense evaluation." Said Maryanne.

"E-evaluation?"

"Why, of course!" Said Maryanne, "Unlike your incompetent ministry, when a student states something as petty as an abusive teacher or as dangerous as the return of Voldemort, we take it seriously." Harry felt his chest swell, and he looked at Hermione and Ron who were equally shocked. But Maryanne continued, "Your wand, Dolores. You won't be needing it anymore."

"You..You can't!" She yelled, "I am High Inquisitor and Headmistress of this school! Minister Fudge will not have this!"

Maryanne chuckled, taking out her own wand and charming Umbridge's to sweep off her desk and into her hands. "Fudge can suck dick." was all she said, as she took Umbridge's wand in her hands, and snapped it in two.

Harry was shocked, and when he looked to the faces of his fellow students, they felt the same. Some woman from another government had just walked into the school and broke Umbridge's wand, and much to his delight, openly insulted Fudge. Umbridge was simply shaking with rage, with pure hatred for this newcomer who disrupted her class, but Maryanne continued as though she hadn't done anything out of the ordinary, "If you'd be so kind, you will leave with Charles and Stan, the men back there, back to your office and await an interview with me." But Umbridge didn't have time to even struggled, for the two men had enchanted her body so that she was floating out of the room and into the hallway, out of sight of the students.

Maryanne smiled sweetly at the students, and her voice had become softer, "Harry Potter?"

"Here…" Harry said. Everyone in the room was looking at him now.

"Ah, wonderful, just like James I see." She said in a friendly voice, "Would you come with me? I'd like to take a statement of your accusation that Voldemort has returned." she paused, "Hermione and Ron, correct? They may come as well."

So Harry shot up from his seat with his friends and started to gather his things. While doing so, Maryanne said the other students, "Starting tomorrow, I will be your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." She walked over and picked up one of Umbridge's books, scolded, and said, "Your homework for tonight is to burn these shit books. Dismissed."

Harry left the room of shouts and praises with Hermione and Ron, following Maryanne down the corridor and to Professor McGonagall's room. The professor was at her desk by herself when the door was opened, and upon seeing who it was, stood up from where she was seating, "Yes?"

"Hello, Minerva, you were the one who sent the other complaint?"

"Y-yes..You got here so fast…"

"Well, normally we don't." Explained Maryanne, "Since it was students who complained the first time-the Weasley twins-but after it being reinforced by a teacher, we decided to make this a priority. Then, upon hearing that Harry Potter attends this school, I took it upon myself to kill two birds with one stone." She walked over to McGonagall and shook her hand, "I'd like to interview Mr. Potter about his belief in Voldemort's return-why is that redhead shuddering?-if you please, ma'am?"

"Yes. Yes! I'll leave you be." Said McGonagall, who smiled at Harry, Ron and Hermione and left the room.

"Take a seat." Maryanne said, indicating to the three chairs she charmed to sit in front of another chair. When all settled, she took out her clipboard and a pen, not a quill, and prepared herself to write. "Alright. Harry, could you please give me a formal statement?"

"Erm..?"

"Just tell me what you believe."

"I know that Volemort returned in June."

"Complete with a full functioning body?"

"Yes."

"And his followers were present?"

"Yes."

"Could you give me the names?"

And Harry did so.

"Very well." Maryanne said, finishing her writing and looking to Harry once more, "We'll send out a search."

"Like, aurors?" Harry asked.

"Like, military." Maryanne corrected. She was still relaxing on her chair, writing, when she said, "We also have intelligence that you've been in contact with Sirius Black."

Harry didn't say anything. Hermione and Ron didn't either. How did she know that he had been around Sirius? And worst of all, if she knew, did that mean that she knew he was breaking the law by setting Sirius free? How much did she know? "You don't need to fret, Mr. Potter. I knew your father and Sirius in school. Sirius sent me an owl under the name of Snuffles."

"You knew-"

"Know."

"You know Sirius? And that he's on the run?"

"Harry, we know everything." Maryanne said, "We have over a thousand Legilimens in Diagon Alley alone." She got up from her seat and walked to the window.

"You know Sirius…? You know he's innocent?"

"Of course!" Maryanne said, "It was Peter Pettigrew."

"Then…If you can get rid of Umbridge and Fudge, you can clear Sirius!" Harry said.

"It's not that easy." Maryanne said sternly, "There's the difference between getting rid of a stupid Minister of Magic and convincing the entire world that a mass murderer is a wonderful guy."

And though Harry didn't want to admit it, he knew she was right.

"It'll take time." She said gently, "We need to get a confession out of Pettigrew before we display Sirius."

"Right." Said Harry, a hint of bitterness laced in his voice. "So..you were a friend of my dad's?"

"Ah, yes, I've been meaning to give you this." She reached into the picket of her little black jacket and pulled out a little vial with something silvery inside it. "You'll have to ask Snape if you can borrow his Pensieve. Though, if you wait a week, it'll be back in Dumbledore's office where it should be. Up to you. This will explain who I am, and who your father was." She grabbed her clipboard and smiled, "I'll be back to get Umbridge after she's had time to broad in her office. Toodles!" And, much to Hermione's amazement, she disappareted away.

Harry did have to wait a week until Dumbledore was allowed as Headmaster of Hogwarts. On the first night of Dumbledore's return, Harry visited him late at night and asked to borrow the Peniseve, stating that a woman named Maryanne had given him a memory. "Ah, Maryanne Shulzer." Dumbledore said fondly, "She was the only girl that could tame Sirius. Wonderfully smart, she was. Close to your mother and father as well."

"You knew her, then?"

But Dumbledore nodded, and simply pointed to the Pensieve. Harry poured the memory into the basin, and when it was finished swirling, he dipped his head inside. He was in the middle of a beautiful park, there were people all around dressed in formal dress robes and talking merrily amongst themselves. He saw some people he knew, Hagrid, Dumbledore, McGonagall, but he also saw some people he didn't know. Everyone was sitting down as well so he wasn't completely able to follow conversations, for something indicated to the group that it was time to become silent. Where was Maryanne? He looked around, and saw to his shock, the young Sirius standing at the front of the crowd of people; Sirius was the best man. He was at a wedding. He was at his parent's wedding.

He would have to thank Maryanne for this later, because Harry's entire heart thumped loudly with happiness as he saw his young father walking down the aisle, smiling at the crowd. They went through the entire ceremony and Harry was ecstatic to know that Maryanne has allowed him to watch the entire thing. He saw his mother, smiling in her wedding dress, the ceremony, the giving of rings, and the first kiss that his parents shared in their married life. It was beautiful, and the only reason Harry didn't start crying was because he wasn't sure if his tears would interfere with the contents of the Pensieve.

It was after the wedding that Harry finally saw-or paid attention to-Maryanne. She was a lot younger, just like his parents, and a lot less professional. Her hair wasn't in the tight business bun that he saw earlier that week, but long and bright blonde, and her brown eyes shone. She was standing next to Sirius while she talked to Lily and James, wishing them well at their wedding. Sirius had his arm around her waist.

Harry approached them slowly, until, of course, he realized that he didn't need to. James was laughing about something Sirius said, and then said, "You and Mary will be next, mate."

"Sure will." Sirius said proudly, looking down at Maryanne.

Lily was looking at something on Maryanne's hand, and when Harry got a closer look at it, he realized that it was an engagement ring. Lily smiled, "Such a beautiful day!"

But Harry didn't get time to gawk at this discovery, for he was pulled out of the Pensieve when the memory was finished. Falling back into his back, he gasped up at Dumbledore, "They were engaged!"

"Who? Sirius and Mary? Of course they were. He asked her to marry him, jokingly, when he was in his seventh year. Formally right before your parents wed. She's been in the Order since the beginning of the first war."

Harry was staring at Dumbledore, "Why did she show me all that?"

"Well, first of all, I assume so you could experience your parents' wedding. And second, she wants you to pass it on to Sirius that she's on her way." Dumbledore smiled, "She was still wearing that engagement ring. Hasn't taken it off once." He went to close the door of the cabinet that held the Pensieve, and then said, "Shall we go have some dinner? I've missed the Hogwarts cuisine since being away. Hopefully Dolores didn't change that." And he led Harry down to dinner.

* * *

This is more of a one-shot than anything else. I don't really think I could properly make a story out of this. I'm reading OOFP right now, and I just, you know, REALLY wanted to sack Umbridge. Then it kinda became a Sirius and OC thing. Whatever. Hoped you liked it! Thanks for reading!


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